Talk:A New Dawn: Blood River/@comment-8248793-20131213002656
SPOILERS (let's do this Blayde style) Prologue: That part with Snakepaw and Tigerheart was really intense. Since Tigerheart called him son, I believe that Tigerheart and Dewtail are mates. It may been a little short and quick, but it sure caught my eye and made me want to know more about Snakepaw. Chapter One: '''It was a very relaxing chapter that made the story more intense actually. The way you described the little events made the bigger events seem harsher. I liked how Jayfeather seemed to have an omen, and how Firekit still doesn't have a clue. '''Chapter Two: You said that Redtail was "RiverClan" deputy at the beginning of the story. I liked how they learned about Tigerstar, since the blurb said they were going to end up fighting the Dark Forest. This chapter showed what might happen later on. Chapter Three: I liked this chapter because it showed what was going to happen, and how StarClan was afraid of the next events. It was a short chapter, but it kept me reading the whole time. Chapter Four: Ooh, scary images and visions to keep the intensity up! I liked how you described the face and how Mintkit was being haunted by this image day and night. I also love Mintkit's love for healing. Chapter Five: I like how you made the trees look dangerous, and how they seem to be in ShadowClan/Dark Forest territory. The kits should be wailing their heads off, but I like how you made them courageous and had them sleep out in the forest for the night. Chapter Six: I like the change in Tigerheart because it makes the story twist along. Though I think you should make him a little more caring instead of a bad-tempered cat who's always grumpy. :3 Chapter Seven: Noooooo. So cruel. He's a Tigerstar but ten times worse! This part made my heart stop, and I almost cried with Mintkit when they were stopped. I like the way you described the scenes so I could visialize it. Chapter Eight: Oh my, this new plant is really interesting, and I can't wait to see if Mintkit figures it out! I'm still into this, and you've done a great job in showing every scene with description. Chapter Nine: This outbreak was a little sudden, and are they six moons yet? Because that was an extreme case of greencough in half a moon :P The grief you describes was fantastic, and the way Mintkit took control was awesome! Chapter Ten: At the beginning of the chapter, you spelled "everyone" wrong. I like how the first chapter was so innocent, then you just kept building up suspense and bad news. This is really good, and I'm going to keep goin. Chapter Eleven: Boulderpaw is obviously working with the Dark Forest as the prologue told us. Why did Breezepelt have both of his kits by him instead of having them with their mentors? And at the prologue, you said Boulderpaw had a sister called Larkpaw, not Duskypaw. Chapter Twelve: The Moonpool dream was terrifying, and now I really need to know what happens. This is great so far, HIMG! Chapter Thirteen: Wait, Bushpaw was the one to attack Boulderpaw, so how does Firepaw know about Duskypaw/Larkpaw? Just wondering xD That first part of the Gathering was interesting and just normal, but the last line made me freeze with anticipation. '''Chapter Fourteen: '''This last chapter really shook me up, and it's so tense! I can't wait for the rest of this, and I hope Lionblaze comes back. Keep going! END SPOILERS (That was long...)